Melting Down

I am here to tell you that it is okay to have a melt down and it’s okay to talk about it. I also want to let you know that if you ever find yourself in this position and need a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen that I am here for you.

As some of you may know flying isn’t always easy for me, I get anxiety. I do a good job of handling it but some days anxiety is a cruel beast that wins and completely makes no sense at all. Last week I was home alone all week, this is the first time I’ve stayed alone in this house and really the only time I’ve been alone since moving to TN. I’m fine and it was fine. However Friday morning I was flying to Columbus, OH. I was not only flying alone but getting there alone (well I had a driver pick me up).

I got up early to give the dogs some time to run around. I was pretty much packed up and ready to go about 7:10 and decided to finish packing my carry on. My carry on is for my technical gear, a bag of popcorn, sun glasses, water bottle and my wallet. I noticed my surface was hot, so I grabbed it and opened it. OMG NO! OMG! NO! OMG! My surface was in a continuous loop of booting into the setup screen. My presentation, demo and what not is all on there and ready to go. My anxiety turns itself all the way to 11 and I am in a panic. Car will be here in 15 min, I don’t know what to do. My new machine wasn’t playing nice the last time I tried to set up my demo, my old surface pro 1 hasn’t been used in forever for a demo and Bea, well no. I can’t even think straight and am paralyzed by the thoughts of updating everything or troubleshooting. I swear had this happened before I was dressed and ready I might have stayed home.

Kerry calls, somehow he finally had time for me. He’d been really busy all week and I had felt like I was on the short end of the stick. He basically said grab the new machine and bring the dead one he’d look at it later. I was able to get in the car without crying and made it through all in one piece. That was until we were boarding and they told us to keep our boarding passes (not SOP for Southwest). I feared we’d be getting off that plane or something. OH look maintenance issue. WHEW!

I later posted that I had melted down and didn’t understand why. When there is an emergency no matter if it is injured people or a dead production system I am strong as an ox and as chilled as ice water. So why does the sudden loss of my presentation and demo break me from the inside out? Many others were kind enough to comment or send me private messages that they too have suffered this type of reaction. So for anyone out there that has had that moment of melting down, do know that you are not alone and no one thinks you are less of (insert anything; man, woman, DBA, IT Professional, human and etc).

When I arrived at the hotel I had already fixed one issue on the plane, in the whopping 20 mins I had in the air and without internet. But I had a need, itch to do something physical and mindless. So I unpacked, hadn’t planned on doing that for a weekend trip but I did. Then I went across the parking lot to get some lunch. OH and it was bad lunch breaking my diet. I came back refreshed and ready to tackle my challenge.

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PS – I made it and the presentation went better than expected. More to come on that later.

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